Life changed

 This blog went into hibernation upon my entrance into motherhood. Life got really chaotic, I closed my old checking account and never even realized that I’d let my domain lapse. It was just a blog— but this ole blog has been a reference for my life for many years.

Also, for over a year my web domain pointed to a Chinese web store. I guess the domain wasn’t lucrative because their payment also lapsed and I got it back. Ha!

So, where am I? Where have I been? I gave birth to my my firstborn babe in 2019 (the Year of the Firstborn), returned to my job in the autumn, and my husband became a full-time parent. My baby refused a bottle, so my husband walked to my office at least twice a day so I could breastfeed the babe and I’d bike home on my lunch breaks. The pandemic struck in 2020 and our world sort of shut down— I immediately moved to remote work and our social connections all paused, except for our amazing neighbors. 

In spring 2020 I contacted a church that owns properties in our neighborhood and asked if I could garden in a neglected space. They said yes, and 2020 was the Year of the Borrowed Garden. We had a lot of ups and downs that year (still trying to recover from some of that, honestly— the pain of some changes lingers a and probably will forever) in our family. We decided to have a second baby, and voila, she joined us in spring 2021. Miracles upon miracles! 

Shortly after baby was born, my neighbor offered us use of his tractor, so I tilled up some big garden spaces in the backyard and 2021 transitioned from the Year of the Secondborn to the Year of the Secondborn and Backyard Garden. I cherished my 4 months of leave with my family (thanks in part to 6 weeks of short-term disability payment, and otherwise thanks to accruing and saving ALL of my vacation and sick and extra time worked at my job). Wildly, I decided in autumn 2021 to return to my undergraduate studies at PSU— part time at first, then moving to full time in spring 2022.

Ah, 2022 was a real blur for me. I worked full-time, took classes full-time, and tried to be a parent whenever I could. I breastfed my baby 100% (I work remotely still and neither baby nor I were interested in pumping and bottles), put her down for every single nap, and tried to be a decent mom. Work became quite stressful in 2022 and I started (continued) working overtime, and so I see 2022 as the Year of Budgeted Sleep. I took the summer off from classes, and spent a lot of beautiful hours in the garden and washing, carding, and spinning wool. I think I scoured about 20 sheep, alpaca, and goat fleeces. I’ve been running on fumes and feel fully depleted and sleep deprived. Most of my coursework has been completed during the nighttime hours when the kids are asleep, and last summer when Baby’s bedtime moved from ~7pm to 9:30pm, I really began to struggle. I’m still struggling. It’s difficult to cram full time classes into a narrow window and I’m drinking a LOT of caffeine to get through my days. If I can pass my classes this term, I’m on track to graduate in March! 

For the past year I’ve constantly worried that I would fail my classes because, historically, I’ve been a very poor student. It’s feast or famine with me— I get As, or I basically give up and stop making any effort and fail. I’ve done that cycle a few times in my academic career but promised myself I wouldn’t give up and give in to the overwhelm this time around… and it’s working. My lowest grade since returning in 2021 has been an A-. Most quarters I’ve had a 4.0. I’m not sure that matters to anyone but me (and my mom, she might care) but I am glad that I’ve stuck with it this time. I’ll graduate with dual majors, my BA degree, and a minor that’s related to my career, and this tidy piece of paper that justifies my student loan debt. People ask what this means for me/my career… and at this point it has no direct impact on or connection to my career. If I change jobs someday, it will be good to have this on my resume finally and I want to have that security (see also, the stress of being the primary wage earner for the family). Mostly I wanted to prove to myself (and perhaps to my kids, though they don’t know it) that I could actually complete my undergrad studies. 

I hope 2023 is the year I find sleep, the relationships that are important to me, and patience. I hope we make beautiful memories. I hope I spend the year (actually, my entire life!) still learning but it will be nice to shift from academic studies to craft studies. I’ve been spinning a LOT of yarn, restoring a loom, and a few months ago I began learning about and tried making bobbin lace for the first time. 

I’d like to get back to blogging too, because it’s a handy way of jotting down what’s happening in life and what I’ve been thinking about. 

Xoxo,

And please let me know if you still blog too.